and i dont want to post it because i feel it takes away from the happier times of my life. i hope this is a start to moving on. i wonder if it is just easier to pretend you just dont care? does anyone have any suggestions? maybe this is best. maybe everything is how it is supposed to be. maybe.. there are so many things rushing through my head and i dont know how to take them in, i need to just stay away. keep myself occupied and stay focused on myself and my life. i need school to come. and help me just get past things. oh..this is all i could sum things up to..



"Ambush! Ambush! There has been an ambush!" I cried;
they have taken everything from us, it's crawling from
our mouths and pouring itself down the front of our
chest to the palms of our hands it's filling up too fast it's
too fast. I screamed and you screamed our tears were
filling up with eyes, and you whispered to me, "You died
remember, you died that night and I found you, where they
placed your body, it didn't begin to decompose but I found
you and you begged me to, and I did. Remember? I emptied
my insides and replaced yours with mine. You told me to."
You told me too, "In the quiet lengths of the night, while I
struggled bravely to pull you to safety, to the other side that
(four out stretched sets of ribcages is the humble mans casket,
that's what you found me cradled in, remember?) they killed me
too, they killed me, and in the recovery room, you came to me,
you sang to me and you sang out to me, and I swear you
sang the music that happens when the Lord breathes His
breath across the universe through the clouds and onto the
lonely Earth below Him." "And I said to you, you shouldn't
remember this. I know I know I was sleeping in your arms
and you woke me with a kiss, and your voice fell and
collapsed and stumbled across my face and down my throat,
you were inside of me and you dwelled with in my lungs."